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"Twenty-Five Rules to Live By"

Here I go again, finding more ways to use of megabytes, but hopefully provide something to think about, or at the least something to smile about.  These were actually sent to me by someone who I am sure received them as well, as part of a pass this on to 10 of your friends and you will meet the person of your dreams and become wealthy; otherwise if you don't, no one will really ever know, or care emails.  As always, if you have something to add to the list please forward it to me and I will add it to the list, the number "25" is not set in concrete, as you can already see.

1. If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

2. Don't worry about what people think. They don't do it very often.

3. Going to a church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. It isn't the jeans that make your butt look fat.

5. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway. (Just remember how lucky you were to get a free trip around the sun.)

14. Men are from earth and Women are from earth;  Deal with it!

15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it, again.

22. By the time you can make the ends meet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shall not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

25. If you must choose between two evils, chose the one that you've never tried before.

26. Bad news does not improve with age.

27. Experience is a wonderful teacher, because a fool will learn no other way.

28. Never wrestle with a pig, because you both get dirty and the pig likes it.

29. By the time you've learn the answers in life, they've changed the questions.

30. The reason why divorce is so expensive, is because in most cases it worth it!

31. Youth is wasted on the young.

32. Hindsight is always 20/20.

33.  No good deed goes unpunished!

34.  Be careful of whose feet you step on today, as they may be attached to the butt you may have to kiss tomorrow.

35.  Children seldom misquote you.  In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

36.  Be nice to your children, as they will one day choose your nursing home.

37.  Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

38.  The end of the road might be the beginning of the journey.

39.  I've learned that you cannot make someone love you.  All you can do is stalk them and hope they finally give in.

40.  I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof to destroy it.

41.  I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others as they are often more screwed up than you think.

42.  I've learned that you keep vomiting long after you think your finished.

43.  I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are politicians. 

44.  Do a good deed each day and something good will happen to you... If not tough @#&%.

45.  Experience comes from doing many things... wisdom comes from doing them badly.

 *"Wisdom of the Soul," courtesy of Michele Angelique

46.  No one can ruin your day without your permission.

47.  Most people will be about as happy, as they decide to be.

48.  Others can stop you temporarily, only you can do it permanently.

49.  Whatever you are willing to put up with, is exactly what you will have.

50.  Success stops when you do.

51.  When your ship comes in... make sure your are ready to unload it.

52.  You will never "have it all together."

53.  Life is a journey.... not a destination.  Enjoy the trip!

54.  The biggest lie on the planet: "When I get what I want I will be happy."

55.  The best way to escape your problem is to solve it.

56.  I've learned that ultimately 'takers' lose and 'givers' win.

57.  Life's precious moments don't have value unless they are shared.

58.  If you don't start, it's certain you won't arrive.

59.  We often fear the things we want the most.

60.  Everyone hears what you say.  Friends listen to what you have to say.  Best          friends listen to what you don't say!

61.  Yesterday was the deadline for all complaints.

62.  Look for opportunities... not guarantees.

63.  Life is what is coming... not what was.

64.  Success is getting up one more time.

65.  Now is the most interesting time of all.

66.  When things go wrong... don't go with them.

67.  Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.

68.  Love can mend a broken heart... You just have to give it all the pieces.

69.  A person who asks a question might be a fool for five minutes, but a person who doesn't ask, is a fool forever.

70.  A best friend is like a four leaf clover... hard to find, and lucky to have.

71.  A friend is someone who reaches for your hand but touches your heart.

72.  I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to. 

73.   At any moment during a twenty-four hour day, only one third of the world's population is asleep; While the rest are awake and creating problems.

74.  Show me a good loser in professional sports and I'll show you an idiot.

75.  I see stupid people!

76.  In the war on terror, we're making enemies faster than we can kill them!

77.  Let me give you a hint... I don't care!

78.  Blessed are they who expect nothing....for they shall not be disappointed.

79.  The worth of a life is not determined by a single failure, or by a solitary success!

80.  One of the best things to hold onto in this world is a Friend!

81.  Good friends listen, best friends hear!

82.  Never argue with a fool, because the spectators can't tell the difference.

83.  Even at a Mensa convention someone is the dumbest person in the room.

84.  Stupidity, if left untreated, is self-correcting.

 

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